A new member to my family

Adopt one today!

OK I am going to try it again. Its a green egg. Im thinking an arrow, or maybe a lantern

In RL, I am the proud person owned by a 4 yr old, orange on white tabby named Riddles.Will post pics when I get them developed.

FIC: My Nose Itches

Ok this is a rather dark, moody piece but it is a personal piece. It relates to how I felt at certain periods of my life. Dick is kind of an avatar for me at this point.

My nose itches.

I'm really not sure where I am--things are still kind of fuzzy. I am sure of one fact--my nose itches. OK, think, Nightwing. Oh, crap, where is my mask? It's...GONE! I...I can't feel it. Someone knows who I am. If they know who I am, then they know everyone elses' secrets. I can hear my heart racing and I know I'm panting. I could just have condemned everyone I love to a painful death. At the moment, I'm glad that Babs dumped me. She's out of Gotham and she's safe. Oh, hell...Deborah! She...she doesn't even know anything about this, and now people will be trying to kill her to get to me.

She's already been threatened once. I should have known better than to fall in love. I should know it's a death sentence. I should just keep everyone safe and adopt a monastic lifestyle. OK, try to calm down now, 'Wing, and use your head. You're one step short of a panic attack. What I wouldn't give right now for Batman's ability to shut off all emotion and operate on cool logic. Cool logic tells me my ass is grass and he's the lawn mower.

My nose itches.

Ok, now...the last thing I fully remember was being on the cell phone trying to reach Tim, who was late. Tim�oh, no�Maybe they got him and that's how they got me. Here I was bitching and he might've needed me. Or...or, he shows up looking for me and they get him because I'm not there to help him. I swore to protect him so he wouldn't die like Jason. A lot of good I do at that, sitting in here. I've got to think of other's needs first. That's what I've been born and bred to do, first in the circus, then as a vigilante. I signed a contract as soon as I could write, that my needs would always be secondary. My worth is more in what I do for others. If I think of my needs, I'm selfish, arrogant, and a whiner.

Oh crap. I hear his laugh. I can't get that laugh out of my head--my memories, even when I try. Shit, I hear Harley's insane giggling and Croc roaring about something. Great,,, I'm in Arkham, the deluxe entr�e in the psycho feeding pen of the world. I've either helped bring in most of the residents, or am the son of the man who brought them in. With a clear head, I could make it out of here without a problem. I know where most of Joker's little escape hatches are hidden. But, right now, I can't get my body to cooperate. I�I can't even get my eyes to truly focus; everything seems to be hazy.

My nose itches.

That is not the worst part though. I�.I can't move my arms, and my legs take forever to cooperate. It's like the signals from my brain to the rest of my body are being rewired and rerouted. Okay, by really concentrating, I can feel fabric under my hands;, , and working up, I can feel it on top of my arms. Well, 'Wing, we're not totally paralyzed. Now I know what's happening. I'm in a straight jacket. In my regular mind this wouldn't bother me a bit. I could escape from it. Right now, though, I have a mind trapped in a body that is not totally cooperating. I can't get out myself. Time's passing, but the only thing to measure it by is the thunking and buzzing of the doors. I don't even have the freedom of coming and going like a person. I'm here until either the fog in my brain clears, or someone comes for me. I think I heard them order a guard to beat me; that would be fine. Each time the footsteps come, I wonder if it's the guard, and think about how I can try to defend myself in this condition. I'm feeling scared, but that's not allowed for me. I must show no emotion and no fear.

My nose itches.

I hate this. From the earliest I can remember, I've been an independent person. I've had a lot of latitude, even with Bruce and Alfred. I've prided myself in being self-sufficient and taking care of myself. I don't like asking for help. I love to give it, it's what I'm expected to do. It's what I'm best at. I'm good old dependable, reliable Dick. I like it that way. If I need help, I'm letting people down and being a burden to them. Being weak is for other people. I need to be strong and always in control. Yeah, part of me would like to have others take care of me, but that isn't an option. I found that out real quickly.

I am now powerless. I must sit and wait for others. I'm trying to be the strong one. I need to be; people are counting on me. It's just that, I do get scared sometimes. I do get lonely sometimes, too. Right now is one of those sometimes. I hear human beings at their worst--their most miserable points. I try to sleep but it's elusive. The shrieks and cries wake me up and I begin to wonder if I'm really losing my sanity. Do they know where I am? Do they care where I am? I mean, I know they care, but I also know I don't always merit a high place on their priority meter. I'm cool with that. I've really got no other option.

My nose itches.

I'm one in a sea of many. I'm used to it. Gotham must always come first. I've got to just accept it. If I don't, I'm being whiny and a brat. I'm just one hero; I've got to wait my turn like everyone else. Oracle has a lot of responsibilities and concerns. I'm just one more headache, and Robin already has the Titans and Cassie, and other things on his plate. Maybe it will be better for Robin if I stay here. Maybe if I rot, he can cut some deal and get Conner back. I've heard them whisper at the Tower over why I lived and Conner died, and how cruel that was for Robin. It was, but I don't know what to do about it. I've been trying to make it up. But, it wasn't even my fault. I'm just one more burden for Alfred, who already has enough on his plate. So, I've got to be strong and take care of me. Others taking care of you is a delusion or a privilege I'm really not entitled to. Hey, if one only relies on themselves, well then you know what you'll get. There's a consistency to it all. There is a predictability and an order to it all.

It's just hard when you don't feel strong. It's hard when you'd love to have a shoulder to lean on, to cry on, but none is offered. I'm supposed to be strong and resilient, and I am, but I'm not a robot or a machine either. Right now, I don't even have the dignity of shoes. They took the boots and I'm barefoot like a child again. Suck it up Grayson. No one cares. You're just whining and bitching, so suck it up. I've got to figure out how to get out of this situation...now. I'll think about the rest at a better time. Although, if I'm lucky, another time won't come, and I know no one is going to ask how I'm feeling and really want to know the answer. The only one who will is Alfred, and he won't press the issue. He'll also have Bruce or Tim or Stephanie or Cass that need him more. They'll mostly be quite happy and content with a "fine," because then I'll be free to hear their troubles and bear their burdens.

Right now, though, my nose itches. Right now, even diamonds can crack.

If you like this story, please go down and click on my little grey egg. If it doesnt hatch soon it wont. Le Sniff. Still looking for names too.

Another dragon for me.

Sadly my dragon didnt hatch. It died. But I am going to try again. First I kill cactus now a dragon I am on a roll. Lets see if this little egg fairs any better.

Adopt one today!
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    amused amused

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I guess Minot made the news, lol. Yep, we got A LOT of snow. I know the song is "White Christmas" but this is ridiculous!!!! It is very cold right now, Its -41 with the windchill. Because of my asthma I am trying to stay in but it is making me stir crazy. My brother and I though are both safe and reasonably healthy. We havent got our street plowed yet. Anyone want any snow, I have got LOTS of it. But that is typical of a North Dakota winter. They love to show Minot snowstorms on the news. Seriously though, with the snow, flooding could be a real concern this spring if we get more. Thankfully there is no ice, it didnt rain, went right to snow.

Please pray for me. I am waiting for my Doctor to call back with test results. I am on pins and needles since Thursday. Those who know me can guess where my anxiety menter is right now.

I'm excited and humbled.

Last night, Bludhaven held their DFA awards. They are awards that are nominated by and voted on by the list members, kind of like the Oscars only better. ;0) I won three of them. I still really am in awe. I think winning an award can spark a couple reactions. It would be easy to let it go to ones head. i won't because to be honest, and certain friends will spork me, I can't help partly wanting to demand a recount, there has to be some mistake. The second is just to be humbled. An award is not something that you are really able to win without the help of a lot of people both large and small. In terms of a story, your story is really only as good as others deem it to be. For a long time I had zero confidence as a writer. I'd tried to go back to an old fandom and found out you truly can't go home again. I was treated as an old fossil, had my writing ripped apart, and made to feel I was encroaching on a private kliquey group. Then I landed in the 'Haven. I was made to feel a part of it right away from Day One. Im humbled and honored to have had my writings chosen to represent 3 categories for the preceding year. It is also a challenge to keep on.
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Red Letter Dat for Me - WHOO!

Some of you know, I really battle with anxiety. I took a leap and it actually turned out better then I could ever have expected. I went out to Wal-Mart with my brother who had a safety class for his job there. I walked around Wal-Mart by myself for an hour. I got the groceries. We are expecting a huge storm. Felt really great to do. I even took a brief sojourn into the Toy section. Ok lol turned out to be very brief but it was progress. Sometimes with holiday shopping it seems to be taking your life into your own hands. 

Today we are going to see about Christmas decorations. I am looking forward to that. I am thinking of making some cookies but that is ifffy with my diabetes. May wait until I get my A1C numbers from the Doc today.

Cheers and Happy Holidays.
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    optimistic optimistic

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Adopt one today!

Meet the newest member of my family. Ah I dont know what its name or sex or ah anything is. Its a dragon though and I love it anyway. I can't have a real pet so cyber pets will have to suffice. If I get to pick the name, any suggestions?


The internet is a forum for free expression. It is guarenteed by the first ammendment of the US Constitution. I don't see though WHY some people feel that gives them the power to tease, insult, belittle, and harrass others. It is usually done by people because simply they feel anonymous and they can. These same people would probably never dream of doing it in person to people's face. The curtain of being anonymous gives them a feeling of power, creating cyber identities left and right. That is bad enough but some go further and get others in on the act so they form a little cyber gang. They get away with it too often because good people do nothing to stand up and counter it. They sit back and think the idiots are simply doing it for attention. So they ignore it. Well, that gives these people an added feeling of power. There day is not complete unless they have gone online and tried to make other peoples lives miserable. Well this good person is tired of sitting back and doing nothing. I have been around off and on on the net since the mid nineties. Im saddened to see what is happening. Differences of opinions and logical discussion is one thing, flamng and name calling, and religious intolerance is something completely different, to quote the Doorman at OZ to Dorothy :That;s a horse of a different color." History has shown that evil prospers when good people do nothing. We need to stand in defence of the attacked and stay the high ground, not getting down to their level of name calling. Also, word to some readers, and you know who you are, the internet is not nearly as anonymous as you might like to think.

Shalom, Peace, Aloha, love and cheeseballs.
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    contemplative contemplative

LOL I am still here

OK, some of you know, I had a run in with an individual and needed to change my IM name. Sorry Fingy this is why I ve been incommunicado. my new YIM is kidcurrysgirl. Some of you already have it. Doing pretty good tonight. A little achy with the colder weather and a little of the depression but not too bad, all things considered. Working on keeping a positive mental attitude

Love the job. Will post more later.
Huffy :D